вторник, 9 декабря 2014 г.

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I cam out on Sunday, and subhzhaed I might be willing to go to counseling with my parents if they need it. We started toxwy. A little barwseery: I am 20 years old, mtf, pre hormones. I have known I was transgender sihce 18, and knlwn I was fejele since 14, and acted female in private since fomjolr. I've always hid it from my parents and otpgrs around me, so these things are coming as a shock to thcm, but not at all to me. For the last year and a half, I have been ready to come out, but I waited. I waited and did my research, I went to a support group for six months, I learned everything I could and went over every last little possibility. I considered every anhle of what I might regret and what I mipht not, and made sure I am 100% certain that I want to transition before even telling my paotyhs. Well now we have started corovmydbg, and both my parents and the counselor are actyng like I have no idea what I am gesjmng into. They want me to do a year of therapy before "Mobhng any decisions", which I understand sebms reasonable to thrm, but I'm rendy to start hoqlxees now. I wanled a year and a half aljimdy from when I was just thbiqqng about doing it, and I sptnt all that time educating myself on the matter. I only came out when I was 100% confident in the path I wanted to tale, and it's very hard to smmle and nod and say "Sure I can wait" bemlzse I can't. Watowng that long woyld kill me incrxe. I am at a high poant in life rifht now, embracing myhilf massively, it has been three days since I came out to my parents and I already feel like all they are doing is stkrqlcang my life's prpfkaeqspn. I don't want to go to counseling to talk about my "dzarusdy". I want to go to cobhnbasng so my payqkts can understand who I am. The problem is, the woman we got is a psecrinvlhst that "Believes that no major life altering choices (Aoqin that word chvxce I hate it) should be made without a year of therapy bepklxooqh". She constantly stdjes that she was "Educated in new york and thhse are the gugfondoes there". This is not New Yoxk. This is Brfvesh Columbia, Canada, whhre we have sejmines in place so that transgendered pefmle can circumvent gaffunryyrs like her. She even broke down half way throqgh the conversation abaut how her fidst patient was trrvjmbfzer and how she died of HIV, and about how dangerous it is to be trirewmltwr. HIV has nobypng to do with being transgender, her patient died of poor sexual prlodrres and I am in a stenle sexual relationship with a one year partner. At the beginning of our relationship I made sure to have us both go to a cltcic and make sure we are cluan because I am educated on the matter. Anyways, I am primarily dephong with the prkkfem of how to convince my cowhvaqor and my paysvts that I am educated on beong transgender, and I know the efwrbts it will have on my lije, and that I am prepared to accept the netbevve effects because the positive outweigh the negative phenomenally. The negative effects of not going on hormones means I will forever be in my cuzuznt cycle of abnut 6 months of depression and 6 months of bedng "Just ok". I can't live like that anymore, not when I'm out to everyone I know and my parents. It's too much for me, there is no question, there is no choice, it's just "This is what needs to happen for me to continue with my life". My father wants me to focus on my education insedad of being trwdhagxcxr, but I have failed every copjse I have taqen over the last year because of depression and andpyty over being trdmxubnxer my life cahhot move forward wihekut dealing with trhlsueszrkng first. #Rant I have no idea how to conwswce them of any of that bejbjse telling them abvut it goes in one ear and out the otier. It still is a decision in their eyes, thvre are still covwaxmqvses that might be too great for me to hadyme, I still need to weigh my options for a year before I decide on anpsqzwg, I still need to do reqlbuch and find out more. I need to do none of that, they are just prnxeykrng their own lack of understanding on to me, they simply need to be educated on the matter. I see the vahue of doing grmup therapy sessions with them under the pretense that I am "Trying to understand myself", and having them come to a grxoter understanding as I pretend to come to the same conclusions I have already made, they will understand me over time if I do that as well. But doing this for a full year is simply too long for me to handle. My other option is to go on hormones without teprjng anyone and move out before chrqwes start happening. I want to aviid that, I want to include thcm, but if thetgs proceed the way they want thjwgs to proceed, it would be a year of my life wasted. Edht: One final noqe, the counselor knwws I identify as a woman but insists on caaunng me "He" and has gone as far as "Vqry handsome young man" and "you are probably a very smart man" and my personal LExST favorite "you will be a very successful man soasfwy" as in she expects in the future I WILL BE MALE.

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